Some sociologists argue that in U.S. culture, girls and women experience a “symbolic clitoridectomy.” In other words, even though women have clitorises in the physical sense, conversations about the clitoris are absent from discussions about sex. This is ironic given the hypersexualization of women’s bodies in mainstream media. When the clitoris is symbolically removed its importance is wildly understated, and presumed insignificant in sexual play.
Female orgasm is a different story. Shhh, don’t talk about that – it makes people uncomfortable. Think about it—how many slang terms for female orgasm can you think of? Can you make a list? Are there mainstream movies that depict or discuss girls or women masturbating? Although I can think of a few exceptions (Pleasantville, The OH in Ohio), if female masturbation occurs in mainstream films, it is often told from a male pornographic fantasy perspective (e.g., American Pie). Such media depictions suggest that men have uncontrollable sexual drives, (which, apparently, women do not) that must be satisfied immediately by any means necessary. Unlike men’s, women’s sexual desires are peripheral to our conversations about sex and sexuality.
A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are supposed to stay within. Sluts are loud. We’re messy. We don’t behave. In fact, the original definition of “slut” meant “untidy woman.” But since we live in a world that relies on women to be tidy in all ways, to be quiet and obedient and agreeable and available (but never aggressive), those of us who color outside of the lines get called sluts. And that word is meant to keep us in line.
Back in my Press Gang days my defence was always this: sex will always be an exciting mystery to children, they’ll always want to to know about it. And they’ll learn about it, inevitably, from scary porn and all those barmy urban myths that circulate playgrounds. As a counter to that, shouldn’t responisble kids telly at least try to right the balance? Shouldn’t there be someone out there (apart from your boring parents and your boring teachers, who cares what they say) saying that sex is a natural, sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful thing, that decent, kind, nice people do with other decent, kind, nice people. Rather than a sleazy forbidden horror whispered about behind the bike shed.
You CAN’T stop kids finding out about sex. You CAN at least make sure some of what they hear is sane and reasonable.
